Geneva

Check my YouTube, username spac3cad3t. My phone won't let me post video but I wanted you all to know I am safe in Geneva. I have had so many stupid technical difficulties -_-

Crazypants goes to France

Croix-Rousse open air market

Today I went to the open-air market with my culture class called "Du jardin à l'assiette" (From the garden to the plate) where we essentially talk about French food culture (and as my Rubenesque figure will tell you, j'adore la nourriture.) And here are some of the interesting points of said excursion.

Crazy old lady surrounded by pigeons (hidden behind the table because I took this picture very surreptitiously because she's wicked mean). Apparently most of the stuff she sells is very overpriced and not that great compared to the other vendors.

Actual escargot

Pâté de foie gras and quail eggs

I just thought these were pretty.

The goat lady

The pygmy goat. He was adorable and I wanted to hug him and love him and call him George.

I am 100% vegetarian, but this kiosk smelled like Thanksgiving.

Ooooooh, barracuda! (Or whatever the hell kind of evil freaking fish this is)

The happy pineapple man. Most of the vendors try to get you to take their samples. It's not even like they're trying to get you to buy something, it's more like "OMG you have to try this" and then you eat it and it's like "WTF this is the best thing I ever ate"—until the next thing you try is so awesome you wig out. This pineapple was so juicy my shirt is now quite sticky.

We were supposed to meet at Croix-Rousse and I got lost so I ran around looking for people from my group (almost all of whom, both the girls and the guys) are ridiculously beautiful. Then I ran almost smack into my poor ridiculously handsome Colombian friend Carlos without even noticing him because I was busy looking for all the other ridiculously beautiful Spanish girls in my group. I am the ugly duckling among us, I fear -_-

The French are big on presentation.

The more jacked-up, smelly, and disgusting-looking a cheese is, the better it tastes. In my humble opinion.

Okay. I have loads more to show/tell you, but I'm late for dinner with some of my international friends, so I hope this little preview tides you over for a bit.

The inmate is alive and semi-conscious

Finally was able to get a video to post. Sorry it's so depressing. I'm usually thrilled to be alive but that's when I have a family, friends, cats, and a kitchen in easy reach. I'm sure I'll snap out of it soon, I just need some coffee and food that does not come in brick form.

Technical difficulties

Hey guys, I'm still alive. Barely, but yes, I'm still alive. And at my résidence. I actually made a really nice video update last night detailing the flights and my first day on French soil, but for some reason I haven't as of yet been able to upload it. The data plan I bought for my iPhone is not working and I still need to sort it out, so I've been taking some pictures but mobile uploads are impossible for the moment, as are mobile updates from my phone that I was anticipating to give. Keep hanging in there, though, because now I'm mad and when I'm mad, crap gets done. I would like to be more detailed but at the moment I am going to take a shower because I haven't showered since Friday afternoon due to the unbelievably bad luck I've run into in the last few days. But to tide you over, here are a few interesting points about said last few days:

• I barely slept at all on the flights
• I was lucky enough to have run into another baffled but kind traveler and we sort of helped each other find the city center. Paul is German, doesn't speak much French, and has a very noticeable stutter so I acted as interpreter and he acted as navigator and we both got to the city center safe and sound.
• At the Gare de la Part Dieu, I was very cruelly harassed by some teenage boys who saw my UCLA sweatshirt and heard me speaking English to Paul while we were trying to find a map. They were yelling the most demeaning, awful, degrading things to me in English and French. I wanted to yell back at them because I know quite a lot of the vilest profanities in French, but logic told me this wasn't a good idea. I think if Paul hadn't been there, they might have attacked me. He's kind of tall and when he turned around and just loomed over them, that scared them off and made them leave us alone. We randomly saw a few cops just about a hundred yards away and set off in that direction, and after that everything was okay.
• I barely slept at all in my hotel room
• I finally fell asleep in the wee hours of the morning and had planned to get up at 5am local time, but I slept through my alarm. Justin says he called me at 7 local time and told me to go back to sleep but I was so tired I don't even remember.
• I woke up ten minutes after I was supposed to be on campus.
• Luckily, campus was a block away and the French are remarkably forgiving about lateness, so everything went as planned. In fact, the French people I've actually met (aside from the nefarious wastes of flesh at the Gare) tend to be extremely helpful, kind, and understanding.
• Speaking of kind people (though not French ones), today I made friends with an Argentinian girl called Valentina (though she goes by Valen) and she was unbelievably kind and helpful to me today. She's also super into Lord of the Rings and comic books and assorted other geeky things and rock music, so we get along swimmingly. She doesn't speak English and my Spanish is the stuff of legendary awfulness so we are forced to speak French, which is kind of cool.
• The written and oral exams were remarkably easy and I expect a relatively high placement, which could mean that I'll have more free time.
• My classes will probably go from 10AM to 4PM Monday through Friday with an hour and a half break somewhere in the middle. 
• True story: When I got to my résidence, everything looked all closed up and I thought I wouldn't be able to get in, I legit just started crying on the steps. I then saw a cat walking to a little yellow hut further into the group of buildings and I saw people in there, and that's how I'm not sleeping in the bushes right now.
• My studio is on the fourth floor and as I have yet to encounter a single elevator in France, I had to haul a good 70-75 pounds of stuff up several flights of stairs until a random kind stranger helped me with one of my bags. 
• I have watched death row documentaries in which certain condemned have more space than I do in this studio.
• In France, I have yet to find a toilet with a seat.
• In France, I have yet to find tap water that wasn't amazing.
• I have spent far too long on this and I seriously need a shower before I start to grow mold.

 I hope this reassures you that I've not forgotten my promise to keep you updated; chance just threw about ten monkey wrenches into all my careful machinations. Luckily I have been on the receiving end of a great amount of random, unsolicited and unconditional human kindness and in spite of everything, I think I have way more faith in humanity now than I did last week.

To my well-wishers: I thank you for lending me your ear, and I wish you a pleasant afternoon (or whatever it happens to be in your time zone).

To my ill-wishers: Why are you reading this? Perverts.

Calling all passengers for British Airways flight 208 to London Heathrow...

I am about to walk onto a plane bound to London. Pinch me.

The Departure

Family, friends, frenemies, acquaintances, well-wishers, ill-wishers, and people I don't know,

As promised (though later than anticipated), here is my blog. Herein I shall share with you a glimpse into my life abroad during my stay in Europe. My flight is actually boarding in about five minutes so I will update more when I get to my first layover in Miami at about 5PM Pacific.

Stay tuned. There is much to come.

Your humble correspondent,

Hope